maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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