Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
