Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Are we still banned from the library?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
