did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
