Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
