Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
