a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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