I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
