Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Are we still banned from the library?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize