I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
