i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
