you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
