You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize