I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize