idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize