i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
