Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
