I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize