I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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