yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
