I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
