Got a toothbrush?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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