Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
