I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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