Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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