I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
