8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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