theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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