Kiss
Puke
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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