During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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