The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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