i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
