Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
