Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
