Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
