my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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