I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need to calm my uterus...
These tits shall not be calmed
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
