WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
