My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
