It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
