He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
