It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
