Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
