dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I will die if light touches me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
