Cold hands, warm shart.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
