6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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