I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
