please come you make the beer taste better
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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