He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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