Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
