Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
