She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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