so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
