I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
