I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
