Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so let's talk penis.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
