I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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