I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
