Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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