Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
