You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
