SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
