and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
