I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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