pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
