Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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