God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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