YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
