last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
