In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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