Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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